Top 5 Ways To Have A “Good” Divorce

Although it may seem impossible at first, it is possible to have a good divorce … even after a bad marriage.

Here we provide our top 5 ways to have a more peaceful and fair divorce.

1. Take Care of Yourself

Divorce can be a stressful time for everyone involved. It is important to make sure you and your ex, and children if you have them, are all supported emotionally. Having someone to talk through things with can help lighten the load.

Although you may not find it easy, ensuring that you get enough sleep, make time to meditate, relax, or do sports, will mean that you are better able to regulate your emotions and face the tasks ahead with better grace.

2. Communicate & Find Alignment

However difficult, it is important to keep the lines of communication between you and your ex open. It is important to be respectful, reasonable, and thoughtful if you wish to communicate well and negotiate successfully. If you do find yourself being disrespectful, aggressive, unreasonable, or manipulative then correct course as soon as you realise; apologise.

Take ‘time out’ if you are finding yourself getting overwhelmed.

It's helpful to agree on how you want the divorce to go and how you wish the outcomes for all the parties involved to look. This end goal can help to provide a focus if you feel that you are moving off track.

It is possible that you are feeling that communication, and the relationship, with your ex has broken down to the point that litigation is the only solution, however, well trained mediators will be able to de-escalate conflicts and help you to rebuild trust.

3. Get Organised

Once you come to making arrangements and agreements you will find it useful if you have all the information you need easily to hand. In the early period of separation it is a good time to collect all your financial information together in one place. Be clear on your household incomes, outgoings, savings, debts, and pensions.

If you are missing information, or the facts are hard to understand, call on the expertise of financial experts if necessary, if you have a financial advisor for example.

4. Learn About Divorce

Although you may receive well meaning advice from friends and family, each divorce situation is unique and what works, or is appropriate, in one situation may not be the same in another.

There are different ways of proceeding with getting divorced. The more you understand about divorce, and how the process works, the better you will be able to choose the option that is most likely to provide the most peaceful option.

Before 6th April 2022 couples could only divorce if one party applied for a divorce giving one of the following reasons:

• adultery
• unreasonable behaviour
• desertion
• two-year separation with consent
• five-year separation

Now couples have the option of placing a joint application for divorce. You can read more about the new No Fault Divorce Law here: The New No Fault Divorce Law - What Does It Mean For Divorcing Couples

Some couples even prefer not to get divorced right away after they have determined that they will separate, and a Separation Agreement or Judicial Separation can be alternatives. A separation agreement can be a good way of making sure you are clear about the terms of your separation, and how they work practically, before proceeding to divorce.

When you do get a divorce you will need to decide on how to deal with financial and property matters. If you have children you will need to agree on the best arrangements for the children:

• where they will live
• how much time they’ll spend with each parent
• how you’ll financially support your children

If you are finding it difficult to come to agreements about these issues with your ex then this does not necessarily mean that you need to go to court. Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR),  includes mediation, collaborative law and family arbitration, which may help you to avoid costly litigation and come to a fair and equitable solution.

Getting legal advice to be clearer on your legal position is advisable. Members of Resolution are committed to a Code of Practice which promotes a constructive approach to family issues, that considers the needs of the whole family. The organisation was founded on the belief that a non-confrontational approach to family law issues would produce better outcomes for separating families and their children. You can usually request a free initial consultation which will provide you with a clearer picture of your individual situation.

5. Consider All Your Options Fully

Divorce can bring with it a fear of what the future holds and we can often find ourselves making quick judgements that are not best for us down the line. It may be natural to wish to stay in the marital home for example, but when calmly considering income and outgoings this may not be the most realistic or best decision for you.

While friends and family may have opinions about what is best, it is important to be well informed of the facts and make calm choices given those.

Hopefully the 5 points above will help you to have a “Good” divorce. If you need advice on divorce and financial settlements then book your free, no obligation consultation with us on Bingley 01274 723858, Ilkley 01943 601173 or Bradford 01274 735511.